REPORT FROM DOUGLAS JARDINE
Toss delayed as heavy rain. No prospect of play today.
The first report from Douglas Jardine was released earlier and this is a selection of extracts from the emails we have received at the HMC:
‘Surely, using an England cricket captain for this venture was madness. All England cricket captains are geared to put up the shutters and not perform at just the hint of rain!’ Professor Don Tetley, Rochdale College of Further Education.
‘I cannot believe the incompetence of The History Maintenance Commission. What if it rains for five days straight? The Jardine Hologram will do nothing and consider that he had done his duty but for the weather.’ Doctor Elizabeth Gaiter-Lawn, State of Wisconsin University.
‘Madness, utter madness! We all know England cricket captains cannot function and they go into a deep sleep when it rains.’ Stephen Everett, Sydney College of History and The Arts.
The criticism seemed unfair and once we placed it in front of Professor Delphi he quickly issued a statement hat we used as a standard reply to further brickbats headedin our direction:
It’s still only day one, in cricket parlance there are still four full days of play remaining as well as a rest day. Douglas Jardine was picked as THE best option to obtain the desired result. He functions at his best when there is no rain present, and if the time available to obtain a result is curtailed due to weather issues then a cricket captain’s brain, especially one as determined to win as Jardine’s, will utilize the time remaining to the utmost and achieve the result of which we are all so desirous. Have faith you timid, unflanneled fools.