14. YOUR CHANCE TO MEET SEX SIREN MATA HARI IN PARIS

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Mata Hari: The History Maintenance Commission now offers you the opportunity to meet the exotic dancer later executed as a German spy in 1917.

Your table is booked for the Musee Guimet in Paris for the evening of 20th March, 1905 where you will be entertained by the greatest exotic dancer of them all, Mata Hari. All you need do is win our competition by submitting a bid in excess of $1,500,000 (about £1,320,000) and in the event that the two highest bids are identical your reply to the following tie-breaker: I would love to meet the scantily clad Mata Hari in Paris and have her dance provocatively before me because…..

Of course, due to the sensitive nature of the adventure the winner of the prize will remain confidential although if the meeting develops into something more promising – and we at The HMC will do all we can to pass you off as an international man of intrigue even kitting you out with false documents and official secrets to pique her interest – then technically the winner, if in a present day relationship, would not have strayed as it’s considered impossible to be unfaithful to someone many decades before they have even been born. Furthermore, we will return you to the present day after your adventure at the exact time that you departed, thus ensuring that there’s no need to establish an excuse for your unavailability as you simply won’t be absent.

THE PRIZE

  1. First-Class Accommodation in a Five Star Bristol Hotel for two nights before the visit to Mata Hari with a full English breakfast each morning.
  2. Authentic Edwardian attire will be provided for your sojourn to early 20th century France as well as French Francs.
  3. A picture of your wife or partner, that you will carry on you, will be aged to look like it was taken in the very late-19th century so that Mata Hari thinks your wife/partner was born in the Victorian era. (You will also think she was born in Victorian times if she ever cottons on to what you’ve been up to.)
  4. You will also be fully briefed on Edwardian etiquette.
  5. Hopefully you will later be debriefed by Mata Hari.
  6. You will be provided with a list of secrets that would be of great interest to anyone in 1905 such as who will win the 1906 Boat Race.
  7. You will be transported to Paris on the evening of March 20th, 1905 using our exclusive patented time-travel system and escorted by our guides to the Musee Guimet for your rendezvous with Mata Hari. You will also be provided with a room for the night in one of the French capital’s luxury hotels in anticipation of sharing that suite with Ms Hari.

This is a tremendous opportunity to meet one of the greatest sirens of all time in a setting conducive to forming an intimate liason. We ask that you act responsibly and don’t screw up by giving away too much information particularly that pertaining to Mata Hari’s future. Do Not on Any Account tell her that she will be executed by firing squad in 1917 as we do not want anything getting in the way of what history has in store for her….although Ms Hari would beg to differ and want a mighty thick wall to get in the way.

This is an opportunity too good to miss. Put your bids in now.

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