The History Maintenance Commission have teamed up with Historical Garments Ltd of Milton Keynes and Authentic Weaponry Plc of Rhode Island to offer you the unique chance to participate in Britain’s bloodiest ever battle, that which took place at Towton in North Yorkshire on Palm Sunday, 29 March, 1461 involving nearly 60,000 fighting men. It is estimated that 28,000 soldiers lost their lives and that local rivers ran red with their blood for days afterwards.
We are looking for two hundred of you to participate in this violent skirmish that took place between the Lancastrians and the outnumbered Yorkists which seen the latter triumph against the odds which resulted in Henry VI being deposed as King by Edward IV. Just imagine being there and having played a part (if you are on the Yorkist’s side) in Edward’s victory and seeing him assume the crown. It beats recently just witnessing KIng Charles III become King via your TVs into a cocked hat.
There are two knockdown prices available (and we are referring to the cost of your time-travel package and not the likelihood that you won’t be upright in the battle for too long). For $20,000 you can secure a place on the Yorkist side (roughly £17,000) and for $10,000 you can fight for the Lancastrian cause. These amazing prices have been slashed down from $50,000 and $25,000 respectively. Take advantage of these fabulous discounts NOW. The disparity in the prices reflect the fact that fighting for the House of Lancaster in this most brutal of Wars of the Roses encounters is more likely to see you get killed and it’s only fair that our pricing reflects this, although casualties were also high on the Yorkist side.
Baron Von Snider Chairperson of The European Nostalgia Society had this to say about our exciting offer:
‘Do you know anyone who takes part in battle reenactments? Then this will be ideal for them. No more play fighting. This is the real thing. A chance to scrap for their lives in the bloodiest ever battle on English soil. Surprise them with the gift of this for a present. They will thank you for it.’
The two hundred available slots will be given out on a first come first served basis. We anticipate there will be tremendous interest in this offer so we advise you to act early to secure your place. So as to even out the two hundred new combatants to prevent a side gaining more of an advantage which might then change the course of history, there are exactly one hundred places available on the Lancastrian side and one hundred with the House of York. Should all the White Rose tickets go at $20,000 a pop leaving Red Rose tickets at $10,000 still unsold, The HIstory Maintenance Commission reserves the right to switch you to the Lancastrian side and give you a second ticket fighting for the same noble cause to give to a good friend.
Once you are accepted you will be provided with authentic fifteenth century English costumes and *weaponry kindly supplied by our sponsors in this venture and taken, via our portal into the past, to Towton, Yorkshire, England in 1461. After the battle you will be returned home, hopefully in one piece, the maximum we will return you in will be five pieces as any more than that becomes time consuming for our history tour reps. You need to know that your chances of surviving The Battle of Towton alive are one in two, but as a nice touch, for those of you who perish there we will send a loved or special one of your choice a dozen red or white roses dependant upon whose side you were fighting for. If, like Henry VI you decide to flee the country after, or even during the battle, we will send yellow roses instead.
Please also consider that in the battle itself the outnumbered Yorkists used the wind in their favour to let loose their archers, being outranged the Lancastrians had no alternative but to abandon their defensive positions and engage in hand-to-hand combat. This went on for hours and was responsible for the very bloody nature of the conflict. Thus participant discretion is advised.
* Particiants will be thoroughly searched before being allowed to travel back to 1461 and if any semi-automatic machine guns or other modern weaponry is discovered upon their person they will be disbarred from travelling and will forfeit their fee. To allow such an indiscretion would spoil it for everyone, particularly those Lancastrians and Yorkists in the line of fire.