27. DOG ENDS

NHS: Novel Approach to Reduce Waiting Lists

Secretary for Health and the Environment Nicola Broadbean has issued the following statement:

London: 18:10 October 5th, 20–

The cabinet today, under my directive, has decided to extend the popular method of hunting to tackle the overpopulation problem  to another sphere previously considered untouchable. In a move befitting the radical nature of our Government, we will be looking to cut NHS waiting lists by hunting people on them too.

Past administrations have followed the tiresome path of throwing money at this constant blight, with little success. Indeed, the more efficient the mechanism becomes in reducing waiting times for medical procedures the more alluring the prospect of joining the shortened queues becomes to our population with their sense of entitlement, thereby lengthening the lists again.

Thus, instead of throwing money at it, we shall unleash the full force of the hunting fraternity in its direction. With the guarantee it will reduce NHS waiting lists while also disuading most of the populace from joining it and rendering themselves available to be hunted.

We will inevitably be accused of targeting the vulnerable. With this in mind, hunting dogs have received special training to only attack the healthy parts of the bodies of the prey and leave afflicted parts unscathed. We wish to maintain our reputation as a caring government.