15. LIFE WITHOUT….

Glen Mower was escorted to an ante-room off the library leading to an oak-panneled locked door. Over the left shoulder of the sentry was the name plaque of the publishers, Past Words. Once inside, Glen was invited by the librarian who had followed them to ensconce himself on the ante-room black leather sofa and have a quick perusal of a selection of books Past Words had published.

Mower grabbed a few books from a nearby pile. They were all from a series called ‘Life Without…’ by usually noted historians and focused upon how the author saw how the world would be if a particular figure from history not existed in the role with which we are familiar.

He started reading Life Without King Arthur by Professor Simone Webber and discovered that without him the swords of subsequent Kings would remain firmly embedded in a large stone. His subjects, therefore, would avoid achieving things for fear their shoulders would be crushed by a huge boulder attached to a sword during the knighthood ceremony. Furthermore, Excalibur, Arthur’s sword, killed 940 Saxon warriors, so qualified as a weapon of Mass Destruction. It resided in a lake. Thus, without Arthur it was speculated that Britain’s lakes would be associated with untapped weapons arsenals, thus, when photographic evidence initially appeared of the Loch Ness Monster in 1933, which first brought this beast to public attention, immediate thoughts would have been engulfed by the fear it might also be armed with a Beretta AS90 machine gun too.

Next up was Life Without Guy Fawkes by Alexander Sandford whom Kai Diamonde informed him was another patient at Brabazon Lodge having been De-Fawkesed. From the book, Glen learned that ‘Penny for the Guy’ where children in the lead up to Bonfire Night on November 5th created an effigy of the Catholic traitor as a means to collect donations from pedestrians in the street, would no longer exist without Guy Fawkes which would instead mean they were no longer restricted and could thus choose anyone with a reputation as a basis for their effigy and also not be limited to demanding just a penny. It was thus speculated that famous people would be afraid to venture out in early November each year in case they stumbled upon their effigy in the street and discovered it was earning more than they were.

Finally in Life Without Shakespeare by Merle Turren-Beak it was observed that without the Bard of Avon there would be no Henry VI Part One, Two or Three. Which would fit in with the official autopsy on Henry VI conducted in 1471 which clearly indicated that he only came in one part.