31. ABBEY WOAD STUDIOS SIGN BOUDICCA

Route 1066 has arranged a meeting with the Queen of the Iceni herself, Boudicca, to supply the rebellious Brits with woad in their fight against the occupying Romans in AD 60.

Yes, time-travel fans, if you book this event we can promise you the adventure of a lifetime. We have done a deal with the famous Boudicca herself under the auspices of a company called Abbey Woad Studios to be the exclusive supplier of the Ancient Brits blue dye they will coat themselves in to destroy the Roman citadels of London, Colchester and St Alban’s (please get used to calling them Londinium, Camulodunum et Verulamium).

Upon payment of the sizeable fee to secure your spot we will take you to Iceni Territory in 1st Century Norfolk and supply you with several hundred cauldrons of woad to coat her naked massed forces in the intimidating blue hue as they seek to destroy Roman Britain. This won’t be done in the heart of winter when sub zero temperatures will naturally turn her naked fighters blue anyway.

You will be presented with the opportunity to meet Boudicca as she thanks you for your efforts in ensuring the vast quantities of dye are doused on her forces. There’s also the possibility that if any is left over she might request you do some face painting for her daughters and the children of other fighters who will gather to watch the mayhem which will include the burning to death of Romans in their temples and the cutting off of occupying women’s breasts and stuffing them down their own throats.

Evidently, any passenger wishing to join us in this unique experience will have to possess a pretty strong stomach as 1st Century warfare is a fairly brutal affair without any respect shown to prisoners. Indeed, for those who require acclimatising to those times we have arranged for you upon arrival in AD 60 to have access to a seminar on the subject conducted by an Ancient Brit of the Catuvellauni tribe called Pete the Teach, who upon coating himself in woad will regale you with instructive stories about the period as well as showing you how to turn everyday discarded 1st century objects into toys to entertain the youngsters. We believe, although it’s not universally accepted by our historians, that this provided the origins of Blue Peter.

If you have the stomach for it, you can remain to see all three sackings of those cities. If not, then you are welcome to stay at Aquae Sulis (modern day Bath) and partake of the Roman Baths and five star temple complex facilities there.*

We also offer an excursion while you are in AD 60 to visit the theatre in Verulamium, obviously before the City is destroyed by Boudicca’s rebellion. Where you can enjoy an evening with the first century comedy partnership Magnus and Barnabus Joculus. However, it will spoil it for you if you are conversant with the act of the 20th Century duo Mike and Bernie Winters as you’ll  know all the punchlines.

This is the experience of a lifetime. Book your spot now.

*Presently, we have to advise you that in AD 60 the luxurious Roman Baths and hotel facilities are still very much a work in progress so it’s possible a small temple is the only visible sign of this exciting complex. We therefore absolve ourselves of any responsibility for any disappointment you might experience.