11. DOG ENDS

The UNION of PREY

Fed up with being hunted?

Feel like you’re basically a walking version of Pedigree Chum?

Feel like your days are numbered?

Fed up to the back teeth of your impending barbaric death being used as a form of entertainment?

Fed up of having to read this somewhat needless preamble that is possibly stalling you in your attempts to evade your deadly pursuers?

Then we have the organisation for you. The Union of Prey the only union that puts the needs and interests of the many selected to be hunted first.

As a card carrying member of The Union of Prey you get to receive these benefits tailored to your situation:

1. Extra protection when being attacked by dogs as the card is quite big and robust.
2. Bed but not Breakfast at over 2,800 participating guest houses in the UK. Why pay for the breakfast part when you’ll possibly not live to eat it? However, some places will require an extra, refundable deposit in case your sheets need intensive cleaning to remove bloodstains.
3. Access to super fast checkouts at all the leading supermarket chains. Plus double club card points on all those essential purchases made due to being hunted such as extra toilet rolls and prayer mats.
4. Even quicker ‘Quickies’ available at Massage Parlours.
5. Guaranteed professional assistance with your application to join the UK space programme.

Look at these campaigns The Union of Prey have been behind to help alleviate the lot of the hunted:

1. A 40 hour week – being hunted 24/7 has been scientifically proven to be detrimental to the health of all prey. Restricting the times a victim can be chased down to 40 hours a week is beneficial to well-being and results in far fewer fatalities.
2. Holidays – A continuation of the above. Those who are hunted should be entitled to three weeks annual holiday. We have argued against opponents of this motion who suggest that because most prey only last a day or so once a hunt has them in their sights they will simply take the whole of their holiday entitlement immediately so that they will live three weeks longer.
3. Payment for being hunted and extra pay on Bank Holidays – The Union of Prey has made massive strides using our supporters in Parliament to bring this motion to the brink of fulfilment. Why should the elite get away with not paying the target of their hunts when they are providing them with entertainment. Once this has been achieved then our focus will shift onto securing double-time payments for Bank Holidays and overtime. If the hunters don’t play ball with this our union plans to protest by getting as many of you who are being hunted as possible to turn up at the Bank Holiday meets and spoil their fun by having nothing to chase.
4. We have successfully campaigned for the introduction of The Minimum Rage which now means those selected to be hunted no longer face the threat of prosecution for loudly using expletive language in public upon hearing that they have been chosen or when they realise that the hunters are near.
5. We have successfully imposed a ‘No Dogs Admitted’ policy at our AGM.

Join our union today

Membership Rates:

Weekly: £20

Life Membership £21.

United We Stand: Devoured We Fall.