28. DOG ENDS

New Policy to Reduce Waiting Lists: Govt Minister Viciously Attacked.

The Right Hon Nicola Broadbean, Minister for Health and the Environment found herself the victim of a vicious attack due to her introduction of the controversial new policy to reduce NHS waiting lists by enabling any one on them to be targeted by hunts.

‘It serves her right,’ remarked Shadow Minister for Health and the Environment Mark Duncaren. ‘The biter bit. It was a totally inhuman solution, anyway, to a problem that has dogged politicians for decades.’

Prominent members of Duncaren’s party have distanced themselves from his comments, considering them to be insensitive in the circumstances. Whereas, privately, fellow Government colleagues of Ms Broadbean are glad they just distanced themselves from her, particularly as she was set upon by a pack of twenty specially trained hounds with their hunt masters after introducing the new policy.

‘Nicola had put so much effort and time into pushing this radical solution through,’ explained a government source, ‘that she simply forgot that she was on the NHS waiting list for an ingrowing toenail on her left foot. It was an unfortunate and possibly fatal oversight. But if it’s any consolation to her while her life hangs in the balance, the specially trained hounds didn’t touch her left foot at all but removed her right foot along with several other chunks from her anatomy.’

Thus, if the mangled Minister survives, she will still need to address the ingrowing toenail problem, possibly raising a flaw in the controversial new approach to reducing NHS waiting lists.

‘It’s all very well,’ the government source also added, ‘the Shadow Minister for Health and the Environment calling our creative policy inhuman, but at least it is an organic solution with far less impact on the environment and taxpayer’s pocket than his party’s leaked manner of cutting the NHS waiting lists by inviting over eighty thousand on the list to a wellness event at Wembley Stadium and then nuking the place.’