5. DOG ENDS

Early Obits of the Fallen

Zachary Turkle

Mr L Turkle and Mrs Emily Turkle announce the passing of their beloved first born Zachary. A wonderful son to us, brother to Dan and Sarah, husband to Jessica and father to the twins James and Anthony. He will be sadly missed by all of us.

A very gentle soul, dependable, brave, resolute when the occasion demanded. A talented artist who captured what was around him with an unparalleled eye for detail. He loved life and made the experience for others as enjoyable as he evidently found it for himself. In summary, one of life’s best. A special creative talent, wonderful personality, loyal husband, doting father and a precious son we were always proud of. It’s just a pity he was absolute shite at evading packs of dogs that were after his blood. Rest in Pieces our dear child.

Christopher Blaine Yolande

My condolences to the family and friends of Chris. I only knew him at the end of his journey through life. I counselled him in an effort to combat his depressive illness. When he was chosen to be hunted the professional in me picked up strong vibes that he sadly rather welcomed the chance to be despatched by them. Maybe it was the way his head went down an extra inch so it was on a deflationary level with his shoulders, or the fact he smiled sardonically when mention was made of England’s World Cup chances as if he was rather pleased he would no longer be a spectator to the impending travesty, or it could’ve been the giant four foot wooden arrow he had made to point at him over his head to make him easier to locate for the local hunt.

You have now found the peace you craved, my dear erstwhile client and friend. Dr G T Whitehead.

Solly Jefferson McGee

I hereby announce the passing of my dearly beloved husband, Solly. A kind man and father we all looked up to, his job as a freelance crane operator helping to achieve this. A dab hand at elevating spirits, specially the crates of vodka that came through the docks. He looked down when he was chosen to be hunted but that was because he was leaving his cabin at the time and would have missed the ladder had he not. He accepted his fate with fortitude, and appropriately, like his loads, he wasn’t left hanging around.

They needed a heavy load lifted in Heaven and called upon you, Solly. I did warn you to only advertise locally. Your loving wife Brenda and children Kate and Millie.

Arnold Victor Clancey

With great regret we announce the death of our son. Arnie was a good lad. A light has been extinguished from our lives now he has gone which is just as well with the price of electric these days. He simply went to pieces at the thought of being torn asunder by the hounds when he was selected for hunting. Father advised him to simply go to work to get his mind off of it. But it didn’t help that he worked in a jigsaw puzzle factory.

It was kind of Mr Beresford Master of the local hunt, to send flowers on the day we lost our son accompanied by such thoughtful words. And it was so kind of him to gather the pieces of our strewn son and deposit them at the jigsaw factory as he thought they would make the best stab of putting it all back together again.

We miss you Arnie, love Mum and Dad.

Stephen Wanless.

To a beloved colleague, Steve from all your workmates at the Computer Memory Factory here in Shepton Mallet. We will miss your friendly face and fun banter. Pity you were chosen to be hunted. You couldn’t escape those dogs and it was fitting that in keeping with your work you died from mega-bytes. RIP our friend.