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The Gore Poets
ABE McCAULIFFE who fell at Sunbury Hill to Lord Dawley’s Hunt.
IN OLD RONALD’S GARDEN
In Old Ronald’s Garden potatoes grow,
Absorbing rich earth we once did sow.
Path that leads to the patch o’ spud,
Covered in worms who once wallowed in our mud.
Through their trails touched by light doth glow.
This be our lives and now we be dead,
Once sure held better prospects.
But Here we be instead,
Nobody to pay us any respects.
In Old Ronald’s Garden.
If thy seek justice for us now,
Confront the gentry do not before ’em cowl.
Fight ye good fight in our tragic name,
Then our deaths shall not be in vain.
As we turn putrid in Old Ronald’s Garden.
WILLIAM BEAUREGARD slain on Dartmoor by the Devonshire Hunt
CAVE CANEM
Beware of the Dog,
The notice did say.
It sleeps like a log,
Till it has its day.
Now I am wary of the whole bloody pack,
Sucking their teeth as they anticipate my scent.
Honing skills for the kill on my track,
To pulverise me they’re Hell bent.
I will wade through filth,
To avoid what’s intended.
Ignore desires of my Milf,
Though she be offended.
My life will n’er be good again,
Targeted by hounds till I be slain.
Ignominious death my one chance of fame,
Heed that phrase: Cave Canem.
THE SNOW also by William Beauregard
Up till three weeks ago,
The snow was my friend.
I cheered its ephemeral glow,
But now I’m hunted till the end.
The snow is a carpet of demonic construction,
Settled to slow me.
To aid my destruction,
To unlock my sanctuary with Satan’s key.
It chills me with its cold,
Surrenders to the hunters my every stride.
Taunts me with dog prints in unearthly mould,
Strips bare my angst demolishes my pride.
The sky is clear,
The Earth is white.
My blood to smear,
For Hunters delight.
The hideous aspect of the whole scene,
Captured on cards for the festive season.
A romantic setting in a lover’s dream,
A nightmare for those gripped by death’s ovation.
It provideth an explicit canvas,
As the hounds doth sharpen their claws.
Blood red the paint the conduit my carcass,
Drawn by their snappy, unremitting jaws.
Jonty Morgan Humourist 