3: VOYAGES WITHOUT LIFEBOATS

‘Look, matey,’ Diamonde said as he placed two cans of beer on the circular coffee table, ‘get this down your neck. You see,’ Kai added, ‘the real reason I’m here is because we have to involve you even more than you’ve already been.’

The host looked on mystified as Diamonde arose and audaciously turned on his TV without deeming it necessary to obtain permission. The screen burst into life displaying tennis from Wimbledon as English hope Miles Steppings did battle with the number eight seed on centre court. The Brit was one set up.

‘It’s become obvious that what I have is extremely valuable to someone,’ Glen said. ‘Maybe an eccentric millionaire, perhaps.’

‘Excellent play there from the Englishman,’ the commentator hollered above the cacophony of patriotic fervour emanating from the Wimbledon crowd which Glen Mower viewed as validation to hold out for more dosh. Hope that was swiftly dashed.

‘We know what your strange phenomenon is, Kai explained. ‘It’s a photographic plate showing a pigeon in a football team picture of The Old Carthusians in 1881, where previously that picture has been pigeon-less. We just need to buy it from you and get you to sign our non disclosure agreement. We don’t want to spread panic.’

‘Panic?’

‘Oh yes, if it gets scrutinized it will be evident to everyone that Nelson’s position in history is under threat. That pigeon was no longer defecating in Trafalgar Square as there was no longer a statue there in that year hence the bird’s decision to instead turn up at The Old Carthusians home ground in Godalming.’

‘I’m not with you?’ Glen said, as his companion served again into the court of uncertainty.

‘What If I was to tell you, Matey, as a history man yourself, that it changes. It shifts like the sands depending upon who is meddling at the beach with the old bucket and spade,’ he announced before partaking further from his can.

‘I’d say you were nuts,’ came the unequivocal reply.

‘Oh how I wish for the sake of humanity I were,’ Kai said looking up towards the Gods which Glen hoped caught his attention more than the large cracks in the artex ceiling. ‘How I wish travel into the past won’t be discovered then given exclusively to rich buffoons to cock it up.’

‘Why do they cock it up?’

‘Why did man land on the Moon, for Christ’s sake. Because it’s there! Likewise, if we can go back in history to cock it up, we will.’

‘But surely if such a thing is invented there’d be safeguards?’

‘Oh!’ he mockingly replied. ‘Just like the Titanic, the voyaging marvel of its age, took safeguards with installing enough lifeboats?’