Yes, you have read it correctly. The History Maintenance Commission are offering you the fabulous, once in a lifetime chance to meet the greatest maritime hero of all time, Lord Nelson at The Bear Hotel, Havant on the evening of September 13th, 1805. The revered sea admiral’s last night in England before leaving those shores to engage in the Battle that was to define him at Trafalgar.
Hitherto Nelson was the stuff of history books and elevated statues, but now, thanks to our unique and exclusive time-travel procedure we are able to offer a lucky reader the opportunity to share a tankard of ale with the greatest naval warlord of them all. The man who through his tactical acumen and stirring rhetoric single-handedly saved Britain from invasion by the French during the Napoleonic wars.
What The Prize Entails
First-Class rail travel to Bristol and accommodation in one of the city’s five star hotels where you will be briefed regarding the dos and don’ts of your experience as well as being shown pictures of Nelson in Trafalgar Square so that you will recognise him at The Bear Hotel (It will help if he is on the tallest barstool).
You will be escorted to the facility where the time travel will occur and there be transported to East Street in Havant outside The Bear Hotel on the evening of September 13th, 1805. There, in the company of an employee of The History Maintenance Commission, you will meet Horatio Nelson and have the opportunity to ask him questions and engage in general conversation on the eve of his embarkation towards Trafalgar. But please don’t mention that he will die in the Battle there as it might put him off from going.*
You will be provided with suitable clothing and coinage for the period. You will also be primed as to how to conduct a conversation in Georgian England and to avoid pitfalls such as when ordering drinks asking the great man, ‘Would you like a half, Nelson?’
Once your encounter is at an end you will be safely escorted back into the present day.
To win this prize you simply need to submit a bid in a sealed envelope to the HMC administrative headquarters in Madison Avenue, NYC. Only bids in excess of the minimum of One Million Dollars (currently £868,000) will be entertained. If the two highest bids are the same then the following tie-breaker question will be used to determine the winner:
‘I would like to meet Horatio Nelson in 1805 in Havant because……..’
The most original answer in the eyes of the judges will be deemed the winner.
*Our representative escorting you to the rendezvous with Nelson reserves the right to shoot you dead on the spot with an early 19th century musket that they’ll have upon them if he or she feels you’re about to tell Horatio that he will die at Trafalgar. For if he doesn’t go to that battle it would change the course of history.
The History Maintenance Commission zealously endeavours to protect history as we know it and multiple safeguards are enacted to prevent the past from being altered.