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CONFIDENTIAL
OBSERVATIONS ON SUCCESS OF BOUDICCA MISSION
We have successfully put history back on track by the skilled intervention of our Hologram Defense Program. Boudicca is once again the leader of a rebellion against the Romans.
The downside is obviously, as with all holograms launched by our organisation, we have to worry about the existence of a former England cricket captain in the first century. Hopefully, this won’t cause too many issues as there won’t exist any Australians, in the form despised by Jardine, for another 1700 years.
These references to the controversial England ‘Bodyline’ cricket captain Douglas Jardine have now suddenly appeared in the history books where previously there was no mention:
From Cassius Dio The Roman Histories LXII
In speech delivered by Boudicca to her rebel army….
‘We allowed them to set foot on the island in the first place instead of expelling them.’ – This appears to be a warning to the English cricket authorities not to allow the Australians and Don Bradman into the country in 1930.
‘Furthermore, this region is familiar to us and is our ally, but to them it is unknown and hostile.’ – A clear reference to New Road, Worcester, where the ball swings prodigiously in early-May much to the disadvantage of the Australian tourists.
‘They are superior to us neither in numbers nor in bravery. And here is the proof: they have protected themselves with helmets and breastplates.’ – Boudicca is here repeating Jardine’s belief that modern day cricketers are soft compared to the players of his era.
Later Dio comments thus about Boudicca’s tactics:
‘And assigned the others to their several stations.’ – Proof that Boudicca had learned about fielding positions from Jardine.
Finally, this now appears in the Roman historian Tacitus’ account in The Agricola:
‘And they had confidently brought their wives to see the victory, installing them in carts stationed at the edge of the battlefield.’ – Jardine must have informed the Celts in AD 60 about the modern day cricketer bringing their WAGs to watch them play.
MISSION BOUDICCA SUCCESSFUL AND SIGNED OFF
Jonty Morgan Humour Sampler 