40. DOUGLAS JARDINE HOLOGRAM CALLED UP

HOLOGRAM DEFENSE PROGRAM
MISSION BOUDICCA

Douglas Jardine’s hologram has been called up in the mission to keep Boudicca upon the historical path we associate with her.

DOUGLAS JARDINE

England Cricket Captain During The Controversial ‘Bodyline’ Tour of Australia 1932-33.

Born

23 October, 1900 in India.

Died

18 June, 1958 in Switzerland.

☆As England Captain Won 9, Drew 5 and Lost 1.

☆Ruthless Tactician and harsh disciplinarian.

☆Formulated the controversial Leg-Theory (Bodyline) tactics to nullify the Australian star batsman Don Bradman. He deployed an attack including the world’s fastest bowler, Harold Larwood, to fire in short pitched deliveries to a leg field. It was used extensively on England’s (The MCC) tour of Australia in 1932-33. The tactics worked. Bradman was a shadow of the prolific batsman he was and England trounced Australia to regain The Ashes. ‘Bodyline’ was soon banned as a tactic in cricket.

☆Wore a multi-coloured Harlequin cap when batting and fielding, which made him a target for more mockery from the Australian crowds.

☆Disliked Aussie players and intensely hated Australian crowds.

Tactics

Jardine’s ability to do what is necessary, even if unpopular, to win the Ashes, will hopefully triumph and ensure Boudicca reduces three of the most highly populated Roman towns to ashes.

TEST LAUNCHES OF the Douglas Jardine Hologram:

Test Launch 1

Brief:

Sent back to 1965 to prevent a trawlerman from falling overboard.

Result:

As soon as Jardine discovered that there were nets on board the vessel he concentrated all interest in finding them and then padding up.

Test Evaluation: 1/10.

Test Launch 2

Brief:

To observe the process of hiring the executioner to lop off Anne Boleyn’s head in 1536.

Result:

Total disaster. No problem with him reaching his destination in 16th Century London, but he didn’t quietly observe the decision to hire the expert swordsman Jean Rimbaud to behead Henry VIII’s wife. He actively sought to have him removed from the task as he firmly believed Harold Larwood should open the Boleyn.

Test Evaluation: 2/10

Test Launch 3

Brief:

To meet the wartime fighter pilot hero Douglas Bader in his retirement in 1977.

Result:

Jardine failed to ask Bader about his heroics instead focusing on Bader’s prosthetic legs. Jardine insisted that Bader should have a long-leg and a short-leg, while Bader argued that he should either have two long-legs or two short-legs but never a mixture of both otherwise he would fall over. But Jardine insisted that the final decision, as captain, was his which prompted Bader to say he would then rather not have any prosthetic legs. In a fit of pique, Jardine declared ‘Stumps it is then!’ and went home for the night.

Test Evaluation: 2/10