Posted by The Dressing Room
It was inevitable that I should put us, the dark shirts, into the lead with a header seeing it was my bonce that was the subject of concern in the build up to the match. On Monday I inexplicably clouted it on the bottom corner of the First-Aid cabinet in the dressing room causing spells of dizziness to prevail for the remainder of the week like a dark cloud inhabiting the horizon casting doubt on my appearance in the big Friday game.
I have converted my bedroom into a soccer changing room replete with benches, pegs from which hang a good forty plus shirts and punctuated with inspirational messages and notices forbidding smoking and muddy boots. My partner refuses to enter my bedroom so we only sleep together at her pad over the bridge. I agree with her stance on this as it seems sacrilegious to me to have sex in the presence of such venerated shirts as the replica of the one worn by Bristol City when they beat Arsenal at Highbury on their return to the top flight in 1976 after an absence of 65 years.
I often prepare for the weekly match in this motivational setting and derive the necessary spirit to terrorise opposition defences. At 60 every opportunity to gain an advantage has to be utilized and I’m not shy in letting opponents know that I have prepared thus. It does well to get into their heads, although with some it probably needs to form an orderly queue behind beta blockers, statins and insulin
Jonty Morgan Humourist 