Posted by Advice & Anecdotes from a Walking Footballer/Senior Player
My lounge has been converted into a soccer changing room replete with benches, pegs from which hang a good sixty plus shirts and punctuated with inspirational messages and notices forbidding smoking and muddy boots. For this reason my partner refuses to enter my home so we only sleep together at her pad over the bridge. I agree with her stance on this as it seems sacrilegious to me to have sex in the presence of such venerated shirts as the replica of the one worn by Bristol City when they beat Arsenal at Highbury on their return to the top flight in 1976 after an absence of 65 years.
Many a young footballer has been vexed by that age old question of whether it’s best to refrain from sex on the night before a match. My advice to senior/walking footballers is to make sex the priority. So if you can have sex the night before a game, the day of the game, straight after a game or even during it. Do so. From personal experience it elevates one’s kudos amongst fellow players more than anything that can be achieved on the pitch. A hattrick even pails into insignificance compared to it.
And don’t be shy in publicising your exploits to your fellow players. It does well to get into their heads, although with some it probably needs to form an orderly queue behind beta blockers, statins and insulin.
Jonty Morgan Humour Sampler 