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Goats
What an exciting game it was on Friday. It finished 3-3 and all six goals were crackers (more in part 9). I was in my FC Koln kit leading the attack alongside Pete Porter for the whites. Koln (Cologne) have a Billy Goat known as Hennes as their mascot on the badge. The goat has regularly appeared at home matches since 1950 and they are currently on Hennes IX. He chews the grass along the touchline as play is in progress. Thankfully, we don’t invite goats to partake of the playing surface at my football as otherwise we would be on about the 300th incarnation as we play on artificial grass. But the goat emblem was significant because the match we played must rank amongst our Greatest Of All Time.
As the organiser of the game I also referee and play simultaneously unless someone who isn’t turning out for either team that week volunteers to officiate, in which case they wear a yellow shirt to differentiate between themselves and the dark shirts and white shirts of the players. In adopting the responsibility of organising the walking football it was necessary for me to acquire an FA Coaching Badge. The majority of the other budding coaches on my course were involved in junior football. As part of the process one evening was given over to how to deal with players and their parents and an FA coach specialising in this addressed us. The concern was raised about rowdy parents at matches and how to deal with them. Several anecdotes were given regarding this problem. And boy does it cause trouble. It was then that I chimed in to inform the specialised coach that I never had any issues with disruptive parents at my matches.
‘Well done,’ she said, clearly impressed, ‘more power to your elbow. You must be doing something right.’
‘Yes, I would like to think so,’ I answered. ‘Then again all my players are aged between fifty to eighty plus!’ It brought the house down.
In truth we don’t usually get many people watching our matches except the odd undertaker looking for business.
Jonty Morgan Humourist 