8. WHEN SATURDAY’S GONE By Jonaldo

Anecdotes from a Walking Footballer/Senior Player

It finished 3-3 on Friday. All six goals were crackers. I was in an FC Koln shirt leading the attack alongside Pete Porter for the whites. Koln (Cologne) have a Goat known as Hennes on their badge. Since 1950 a goat regularly appears at their home matches and they are currently on Hennes IX.

He chews the grass along the touchline as play is in progress. Thankfully, we don’t invite goats to partake of the playing surface at our football otherwise we’d be on the 300th incarnation because we play on artificial grass.

As organiser of the football it was necessary for me to acquire an FA Coaching Badge. The majority of the other budding coaches on my course were involved in junior football.

One evening on the course was given over to safeguarding issues and an FA coach specialising in this addressed us. The concern was raised about rowdy parents at matches. Several anecdotes were provided showing it’s clearly a major problem at that level. It was then that I chimed in to inform the class that I never had any issues with disruptive parents at my matches.

‘Well done,’ the impressed safeguarding specialist said, ‘You’re clearly doing something right.’

‘Yes, I’d like to think so,’ I answered. ‘Then again all my players are aged between fifty to eighty plus!’ It brought the house down.

In truth not many usually watch our matches, except the odd undertaker looking for business.