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Anecdotes from a Walking Footballer/ Senior Player
As our defender Southey once wryly observed if all the assets of the players were added up we’d have about 14 million pounds worth on the pitch on a Friday. Thus, I am dealing with egos that know they carry some clout.
I purposely used the word ‘clout’ because Phil Dallas spent much of the match deliberately bashing into me when the referee wasn’t looking. I received several clouts in the back from Phil, each time accompanied by rhetoric to the effect that I was the clumsy sod who had banged into him. Odd that when I am the ref and simultaneously playing that never happens, though.
In the last few minutes with us two down I decided to return the favour. Nigel was about to shoot from outside the box for us and I gave Phil a powerful shoulder charge unseen by the ref to free myself of my marker to seize onto any rebound, and also to give him a large repayment on what he was owed. Imagine my consternation, therefore, when Phil found himself in the optimum position to get a bit of his head on Nigel’s goalbound shot to deflect it narrowly wide.
Afterwards during the post match pint, Phil received a lot of plaudits for his saving header. My part in positioning him there in the right spot to make it wasn’t mentioned. It was a salutary lesson for me and highlighted that cheats do prosper.
Jonty Morgan Humour Sampler 