14. WHEN SATURDAY’S GONE By Jonaldo

Advice from a Walking Footballer

Bob is a big, likeable lad now in his late-70s.

He is The COAT. The Crappiest Of All Time. Put it this way, when a toddler first kicks a ball they have automatically become a superior player to Bob. If one subscribes to the theory that when a village idiot is born a genius comes into this world to counter balance it, then it is Bob’s birth that enabled Maradona to make his appearance.

Our defender John South was at another football group one Tuesday when Bob rucked up. Knowing that Southey played with him on Fridays some players asked him what Bob’s best position was.

‘On the other side,’ Southey responded.

On one occasion Bob toe plonked the ball into his own net during a goalmouth melee in the last seconds as we defended valiantly holding out for a 4-3 win.

Nobody cursed him, we collectively shrugged our shoulders and thought ‘Well, that’s Bob for you.’

A week later, the subject of doing tricks on the pitch was debated, Bob explained that the previous week he had been trying to backheel the ball to safety when he kicked it instead into his own net!

We all love Bob and were saddened when he experienced a stroke. His wife messaged us to explain that the specialist advised he should never drive again but he would be able to play football.

This amazed us as he had never been able to play it before!